Philophobia

[Arlina Rhys]

"To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead." -Bertrand Russell


Few things in life can change everything. Few things can shatter every preconception you have about your feelings and emotions. Few things can make you realize just whats dearest to you.

Few things can equate to having your boyfriend's older brother calling on the phone, and saying a simple phrase.

"Casey has been shot, he's been taken to the hospital."

Arly felt almost numb as she dropped the phone in her dorm room, almost in complete disbelief. Her mind tried to process, but nothing processed. She tried to scream or cry, but it caught in her throat silently. Within moments, a shadow slipped out of the dorms, completely unheeding any curfew rules she was beholden to. None of that mattered as she ran through the shadows of faerie for the hospital.

Thoughts flickered through her mind as she ran, every doomsday scenario she could think of, one after another. Just hours ago he had been perfectly fine, laughing, hugging her..now everything had changed, and no longer did she have any idea what to do. Phasing back into reality as she reached the hospital, she dialed her cellphone before going in, calling her parents and holding her emotions back as she notified them.

Into the hospital she went, walking up to the counter and the nurse "Um...u..excuse me..ma'am?"

The nurse looked up from her desk, noting the girl trying desperately to hide her emotions "Yes dear, may i help you?"

"I Um...I was wanting to inquire to the condition of Casey Rein?"

The Nurse nodded, typing at her keyboard as Arly waited with mounting terror, before the nurse frowned, looking up "He's in the critical care ward..they're not sure of his condition at the moment"

Arly's already precarious emotions seemed to slip, composure breaking as tears welled in her eyes, the nurse eyed her sympathetically "Boyfriend? Relation?"

Arly managed to squeak out "Boyfriend", The nurse looked at her with pity and sadness, standing up long enough to pull the girl into a hug and motion another nurse over, talking to her quietly, before glancing back at Arly "Well, they cant let you in to see him, but you can wait outside the critical care unit. I'll take you there myself"

Arly managed a weak nod as she was led away, emotions running nearly out of control as she plodded behind, continuing her long mental dialogue. After a time they reached a small waiting room and the nurse sat Arly down, wiping away a few tears with a piece of tissue paper. "I promise dear, we'll do everything we can for him..he'll be just fine."

"T..Thanks.." Arly managed a weak smile as she turned her eyes towards the ward, as the nurse headed off, and stared quietly. It occurred to her at least, that there was one thing she had never managed to say in all their time together as a couple. She'd always been afraid to say it, afraid that it wasn't the real thing, that any second he'd be gone and she'd be all alone, or that she really had no idea what the word meant and would be using it improperly to say it. And now it might be too late.

In a quiet whisper, to the empty room, Arly finally said the words she'd always been too scared to say.

"Casey? I love you."