January 26th, 2007
I can't believe I haven't written for almost a week in my diary! I haven't been really busy, I guess I just have been so wrapped up doing stuff with Tara. I spend so much time with her now. I had a few big school reports to write also, so I guess that's why I didn't really remember to write, since I had wrote so much already.
Lately we've been going to some hot tub in New Overbrook a lot with classmates. Tara says that I need to get a bathing suit ever since we went to the beach one, so today I surprised her and did! She wears this tiny two piece that I know I couldn't wear, I'd be too embarrassed! But, I like it on her... So I got a one piece, but the ones they had were so... bland... But the guy at ICON said that I could get a more unique one if I wanted, I just had to tell him. So I explained that I just didn't feel comfortable wearing something that could easily come off but I wanted to not feel like I was boring. He came back with a several ones and I really liked one of them. So I picked that one in a bright pink! When I showed it to Tara she was surprised!
She really liked it though and it made me a little embarrassed but I was happy that I managed to surprise her. We spent quite a bit in the hot tub, but we started getting that weird pruny thing that happens when you've been in the water too long so we headed back to the dorms. Most of the night was another usual night for us. We watched some more movies before going out for dinner. We always go out for dinner! But its okay, I've been chipping in with the money that I still have from Fire's uncle. I think I surprised Tara there too when I started paying for us this last week. I know money shouldn't really matter with us, but I didn't want her to think that she always has to pay. I still need to figure out how to earn money myself cause this money won't always last. Maybe I'll look fora job... But... I still have school... Oh, this is gonna be hard... I'll talk it over with Tara, maybe she has an idea....
My Thoughts
Moderator: Student Council
January 30th, 2007
I didn't like today. I had to talk about things that even I don't remember... Ms. Atwood lately has been changing her conversations with me more about my past. But, I can't remember it. I know I didn't like it. I remember being made to do things I didn't want to... And being hurt... and making other people hurt because of my powers... She showed me some of the pictures she doodled too and asked me about them. I didn't know how to respond though... I... I know I was scared when I saw it... It was a picture of me strapped down on a table with a bunch of scientists around me... I don't remember that but... I was terrified. I suddenly felt like I was trapped in that room and I wanted to get out, but Ms. Atwood calmed me down. I... don't know why I felt like that. She said we could talk more about it another time... But I really don't want to...
I really wanted to see Tara after that, but she was at work. I called Matt but he wasn't answering either. I couldn't leave a message either, I just wanted to be with someone I knew... I spent most of the day here in my room, waiting for Tara to come home. I think I must've fallen asleep though cause I woke up in bed, and I don't remember that. Tara left me a note though saying that she would see me tomorrow. I'm glad she came to check up on me, I just wish I was awake when she did... I really wanted to talk to her...
I didn't like today. I had to talk about things that even I don't remember... Ms. Atwood lately has been changing her conversations with me more about my past. But, I can't remember it. I know I didn't like it. I remember being made to do things I didn't want to... And being hurt... and making other people hurt because of my powers... She showed me some of the pictures she doodled too and asked me about them. I didn't know how to respond though... I... I know I was scared when I saw it... It was a picture of me strapped down on a table with a bunch of scientists around me... I don't remember that but... I was terrified. I suddenly felt like I was trapped in that room and I wanted to get out, but Ms. Atwood calmed me down. I... don't know why I felt like that. She said we could talk more about it another time... But I really don't want to...
I really wanted to see Tara after that, but she was at work. I called Matt but he wasn't answering either. I couldn't leave a message either, I just wanted to be with someone I knew... I spent most of the day here in my room, waiting for Tara to come home. I think I must've fallen asleep though cause I woke up in bed, and I don't remember that. Tara left me a note though saying that she would see me tomorrow. I'm glad she came to check up on me, I just wish I was awake when she did... I really wanted to talk to her...
February 2nd, 2007
Today was another hard day. Ms. Atwood asked me more about why I was not attending my sessions with the school trainers with my powers. I tried to say as little, making it sound like I had forgotten or gotten wrapped up in school work. She didn't believe me though, I'm not a good liar. She asked me if this was because of my past, but I didn't know how to respond to that. I can't remember my past... I don't know if I want to. Matt told me those were very bad times, that are best never to be recalled. I guess she heard me mumbled that, cause she started to ask me a lot about Matt. I told her all about how he is like a big brother to me, and how he watches out for me. When I said he used to come here, she recalled him. She said was very lucky to have someone like him as a big brother. I asked her why, but she said something about she couldn't say anymore then that. The rest of my session was her convincing me that I had to attend my training sessions, but I don't want to.
I guess I don't want to cause of that picture she drew a few days ago, it still scares me even though it was just a picture and I don't know why... Why do people want to always test me and see what I can do? Why can't people just make my powers go away? If I didn't have these powers, I would still be home with Mom and Dad...
But then I wouldn't have met Tara... Or learned what I have now... Oh, I don't know what I want anymore!
Today was another hard day. Ms. Atwood asked me more about why I was not attending my sessions with the school trainers with my powers. I tried to say as little, making it sound like I had forgotten or gotten wrapped up in school work. She didn't believe me though, I'm not a good liar. She asked me if this was because of my past, but I didn't know how to respond to that. I can't remember my past... I don't know if I want to. Matt told me those were very bad times, that are best never to be recalled. I guess she heard me mumbled that, cause she started to ask me a lot about Matt. I told her all about how he is like a big brother to me, and how he watches out for me. When I said he used to come here, she recalled him. She said was very lucky to have someone like him as a big brother. I asked her why, but she said something about she couldn't say anymore then that. The rest of my session was her convincing me that I had to attend my training sessions, but I don't want to.
I guess I don't want to cause of that picture she drew a few days ago, it still scares me even though it was just a picture and I don't know why... Why do people want to always test me and see what I can do? Why can't people just make my powers go away? If I didn't have these powers, I would still be home with Mom and Dad...
But then I wouldn't have met Tara... Or learned what I have now... Oh, I don't know what I want anymore!
February 4th, 2007
This last week has been horrible.
Ms. Atwood keeps asking me things I can't answer. I try to answer but I can't remember, so I tell her what Matt told me, and she tells me that she wants to know what I remember. But I can't! Its so frustrating... How is her getting me upset helping at all? I... I don't want to see her anymore but, if I don't I'm afraid they will start forcing me to. I'm afraid they will start making me do things I don't want to and if I don't, then I'll have no place to go...
Then there is Erika. I used to think she was nice but she's mean. She calls Tara a liar whenever she can. All because of some stupid fight she had with her a while ago... I don't really remember what it was about, but I know it was stupid and Erika is now just being childish about it. I don't like her calling Tara names but I'm not good at standing up to people. I got so upset that I went and hid in Tara's room. I didn't want to go to my room but I needed something to do, so I started to look through Tara's clothes.
I don't have a lot of clothes of my own. Mostly just my school uniforms, cheer leading uniform, and now my bathing suit. Well, and that thing that those scientists Synapse worked with gave me. I don't really like it though cause its so tight. I don't really know what I like, so I was hoping Tara's stuff would give me ideas. I was poking around her closet when I found a bunch of stuff she had hidden away. I didn't mean to look but I knocked it over so I had to put it back. It was a bunch of letters and some pictures. I don't know who the people were in the pictures. It looked like Tara and a girl in a few of them, and Tara and a boy in another. She looked really happy. I quickly put them away when my comm rang though, it was Tara. We talked a bit and she explained that the girl was her cousin and that the boy was her old boyfriend. I said I was sorry that I made a mess and she wasn't very upset. She said I had to clean it up, which I agreed to. She said next time I want to go trying to find my own tastes in clothes that we should go clothes shopping, that way if I like it I can get it for me. She's so smart!
She said when she was done work, she would take me out for dinner and we can maybe go look at some clothes to get some ideas what I might like! I really look forward to spending more time with her!
This last week has been horrible.
Ms. Atwood keeps asking me things I can't answer. I try to answer but I can't remember, so I tell her what Matt told me, and she tells me that she wants to know what I remember. But I can't! Its so frustrating... How is her getting me upset helping at all? I... I don't want to see her anymore but, if I don't I'm afraid they will start forcing me to. I'm afraid they will start making me do things I don't want to and if I don't, then I'll have no place to go...
Then there is Erika. I used to think she was nice but she's mean. She calls Tara a liar whenever she can. All because of some stupid fight she had with her a while ago... I don't really remember what it was about, but I know it was stupid and Erika is now just being childish about it. I don't like her calling Tara names but I'm not good at standing up to people. I got so upset that I went and hid in Tara's room. I didn't want to go to my room but I needed something to do, so I started to look through Tara's clothes.
I don't have a lot of clothes of my own. Mostly just my school uniforms, cheer leading uniform, and now my bathing suit. Well, and that thing that those scientists Synapse worked with gave me. I don't really like it though cause its so tight. I don't really know what I like, so I was hoping Tara's stuff would give me ideas. I was poking around her closet when I found a bunch of stuff she had hidden away. I didn't mean to look but I knocked it over so I had to put it back. It was a bunch of letters and some pictures. I don't know who the people were in the pictures. It looked like Tara and a girl in a few of them, and Tara and a boy in another. She looked really happy. I quickly put them away when my comm rang though, it was Tara. We talked a bit and she explained that the girl was her cousin and that the boy was her old boyfriend. I said I was sorry that I made a mess and she wasn't very upset. She said I had to clean it up, which I agreed to. She said next time I want to go trying to find my own tastes in clothes that we should go clothes shopping, that way if I like it I can get it for me. She's so smart!
She said when she was done work, she would take me out for dinner and we can maybe go look at some clothes to get some ideas what I might like! I really look forward to spending more time with her!
February 7th, 2007
Today was a little better. Ms. Atwood still insists to talk about what I remember, but I don't. Just pieces... She keeps showing me her doodles. They are always scary. A lab... A tray of odd medical things... Me strapped down to some chair... A small room where me, Matt and some other kids are chained locked up in... I don't know why but... those... feel familiar but I don't remember that... I just know I was scared of them... I didn't want to see them at all, cause they scared me a lot. Ms. Atwood says that I have to face my fears... But I don't even know why they scare me? The ones showing me are obvious why they are scary. I'm always held down somehow, or trapped. But why would a lab rooms scare me? Or just a bunch of weird medical stuff? I... just don't understand why I have to remember...
After my session with her, I just wanted the day over... I didn't want to go to classes, or do anything else. Tara had the day off though, so she took me out. I told her about what Ms. Atwood said and she figured I need a day out to just relax. We went to the Zoo! We saw all the cute animals there, it was fun! Tara got to see her Owls, she likes owls. I never asked her why though... And then we went to the Arctic area and I got to see the penguins! I love penguins! They are so cute! They wobbles and slide! They are so cute!
After going to the zoo, Tara took me to get ice cream. I guess she was trying to cheer me up. It worked, I guess. She got me sherbet! I love sherbet! Tara said it was cute how I'm like a big kid. I didn't know if I should have been insulted by it or not. I'm sure she didn't mean it like an insult but, I guess... I do act like a little kid at times... I never really realized it till now... I guess...
Today was a little better. Ms. Atwood still insists to talk about what I remember, but I don't. Just pieces... She keeps showing me her doodles. They are always scary. A lab... A tray of odd medical things... Me strapped down to some chair... A small room where me, Matt and some other kids are chained locked up in... I don't know why but... those... feel familiar but I don't remember that... I just know I was scared of them... I didn't want to see them at all, cause they scared me a lot. Ms. Atwood says that I have to face my fears... But I don't even know why they scare me? The ones showing me are obvious why they are scary. I'm always held down somehow, or trapped. But why would a lab rooms scare me? Or just a bunch of weird medical stuff? I... just don't understand why I have to remember...
After my session with her, I just wanted the day over... I didn't want to go to classes, or do anything else. Tara had the day off though, so she took me out. I told her about what Ms. Atwood said and she figured I need a day out to just relax. We went to the Zoo! We saw all the cute animals there, it was fun! Tara got to see her Owls, she likes owls. I never asked her why though... And then we went to the Arctic area and I got to see the penguins! I love penguins! They are so cute! They wobbles and slide! They are so cute!
After going to the zoo, Tara took me to get ice cream. I guess she was trying to cheer me up. It worked, I guess. She got me sherbet! I love sherbet! Tara said it was cute how I'm like a big kid. I didn't know if I should have been insulted by it or not. I'm sure she didn't mean it like an insult but, I guess... I do act like a little kid at times... I never really realized it till now... I guess...
February 14th, 2007
Today was Valentines day! It snuck up on me a little, but I remembered this morning just in time before Tara woke up. I made her a cute little card and slipped it into her room before heading off for classes. I didn't get to see her much during the day, which was kinda odd... Usually I see her at lunch or even in the hall. I was kinda worried up until my final class for the day where she quickly dragged me back to the dorms telling me to change. After I did that we quickly left the campus, but she wouldn't tell me where we were going. She said it was a surprise!
When we finally got to our destination she surprised me by taking us to the Morway Theater to see Elena! I had heard about this production from the papers but I heard tickets were impossible to get. It was really good! I liked it a lot and I think Tara did too. After the show, we went out to dinner at some fancy looking place. I kinda felt out of place because we were both in normal clothes and not fancy dresses like some of the other people around us, but it was really good! Afterwards we took the train back to the campus and walked a bit in the arboretum. It was really nice to be alone with her today! I wish everyday was like this...
Today was Valentines day! It snuck up on me a little, but I remembered this morning just in time before Tara woke up. I made her a cute little card and slipped it into her room before heading off for classes. I didn't get to see her much during the day, which was kinda odd... Usually I see her at lunch or even in the hall. I was kinda worried up until my final class for the day where she quickly dragged me back to the dorms telling me to change. After I did that we quickly left the campus, but she wouldn't tell me where we were going. She said it was a surprise!
When we finally got to our destination she surprised me by taking us to the Morway Theater to see Elena! I had heard about this production from the papers but I heard tickets were impossible to get. It was really good! I liked it a lot and I think Tara did too. After the show, we went out to dinner at some fancy looking place. I kinda felt out of place because we were both in normal clothes and not fancy dresses like some of the other people around us, but it was really good! Afterwards we took the train back to the campus and walked a bit in the arboretum. It was really nice to be alone with her today! I wish everyday was like this...
February 19th, 2007
I haven't written in my diary a lot lately because of all the questions Ms. Atwood keeps asking me. Stuff about my past, stuff that I cant' remember, and stuff about my powers. Its really hard to talk with her. I know she wants to help me but how can she help if I can't remember? She says it could be memory loss or maybe my mind is trying to protect me from bad memories. If they are bad memories, I don't want to remember them then. She says though that I have to remember them though if I want to be able to understand things now. She says it will help the trainers with my powers and how they can help me learn to use them better.
Tara and I have been watching movies and listening to her music each night, it helps me forget about all the things that happened during the day. I just enjoy being with her. I don't understand why some people get freaked out by Tara and I being together. We aren't any different then boy and girl couples, right? I mean we feel the same about each other, and we care for each other the same way. How is that any different then other couples... I wish I understood why people think this is bad... Or why they get weirded out by us...
I haven't written in my diary a lot lately because of all the questions Ms. Atwood keeps asking me. Stuff about my past, stuff that I cant' remember, and stuff about my powers. Its really hard to talk with her. I know she wants to help me but how can she help if I can't remember? She says it could be memory loss or maybe my mind is trying to protect me from bad memories. If they are bad memories, I don't want to remember them then. She says though that I have to remember them though if I want to be able to understand things now. She says it will help the trainers with my powers and how they can help me learn to use them better.
Tara and I have been watching movies and listening to her music each night, it helps me forget about all the things that happened during the day. I just enjoy being with her. I don't understand why some people get freaked out by Tara and I being together. We aren't any different then boy and girl couples, right? I mean we feel the same about each other, and we care for each other the same way. How is that any different then other couples... I wish I understood why people think this is bad... Or why they get weirded out by us...
February 26th, 2007
Today I talked with Kali a bit. I've been getting really frustrated with my powers. I hate them, I hate using them, and I hate that they keep making me use them. I wish this school would stop making me do things I don't like. They make me try to remember things I can't. They make me use these powers that I don't like. Kali said they are trying to help me, but I don't see how making me upset is helping. Its making me not want to be here at all. I wanted to run to Tara but she was busy at work and I didn't want to get her in trouble with her boss. Kali helped calm me a bit but I don't think she really understands... I don't have a lot of friends here. Mostly Kali, Fire, Saskia, and Tara... I don't know where I would be without Tara, but I don't think that the others really understand my feelings here... They keep saying that they will help me understand, but I don't want to understand... I just want to be normal... Kali said that if I wanted she could come with me to the training sessions to help me feel more comfortable. I don't like the sessions but, maybe with Kali there it might be easier...
I calmed down a bit later and managed to find Sapphire. She's Kris' friend and Kris suggested that I talk to her about boys since Kris didn't know a lot about them. We talked for a bit and she explained many things to me. Many things that the book couldn't explain. I'm still not sure about boys, but Sapphire simply said that it was up to Tara and I. I'm still not sure, but I do know that I could never hurt Tara. She means too much to me. I'll talk about it later with her and maybe we can figure things out. I just want to understand why people think boys being with girls is right, but why girls being with girls is wrong... I know to me its not wrong, but I still want to know why people think its wrong...
Today I talked with Kali a bit. I've been getting really frustrated with my powers. I hate them, I hate using them, and I hate that they keep making me use them. I wish this school would stop making me do things I don't like. They make me try to remember things I can't. They make me use these powers that I don't like. Kali said they are trying to help me, but I don't see how making me upset is helping. Its making me not want to be here at all. I wanted to run to Tara but she was busy at work and I didn't want to get her in trouble with her boss. Kali helped calm me a bit but I don't think she really understands... I don't have a lot of friends here. Mostly Kali, Fire, Saskia, and Tara... I don't know where I would be without Tara, but I don't think that the others really understand my feelings here... They keep saying that they will help me understand, but I don't want to understand... I just want to be normal... Kali said that if I wanted she could come with me to the training sessions to help me feel more comfortable. I don't like the sessions but, maybe with Kali there it might be easier...
I calmed down a bit later and managed to find Sapphire. She's Kris' friend and Kris suggested that I talk to her about boys since Kris didn't know a lot about them. We talked for a bit and she explained many things to me. Many things that the book couldn't explain. I'm still not sure about boys, but Sapphire simply said that it was up to Tara and I. I'm still not sure, but I do know that I could never hurt Tara. She means too much to me. I'll talk about it later with her and maybe we can figure things out. I just want to understand why people think boys being with girls is right, but why girls being with girls is wrong... I know to me its not wrong, but I still want to know why people think its wrong...
February 27th, 2007
Today was another busy day. I didn't talk with Ms. Atwood though, it was just very busy in my classes. I had a lot of quizzes and in class assignments to do. I felt very tired and frustrated today. After school though one of my classmates wanted to talk with me. His name is Bryan. He seems nice, I don't know... I don't feel very comfortable around boys. I'm not sure its because I always hear their thoughts or if its because I'm not sure if they even realize they are thinking things about me... Why do boys always think such dirty things about girls? No... That's not right, its not dirty... The book taught me that... But why do they think such things almost all the time?
Bryan and I talked a bit. He understands some of my japanese heritage. That's nice... He doesn't seem like the other boys, he's nice and he tries to understand me. He also tries not to think of me like some of the boys do, which is nice. He seems worried though because I have trouble speaking with people. I tried to explain it to him and I think he understood but I don't really think he fully understands how hard it is for me to be in a crowd. Too many thoughts...
He asked if I wanted to go to a pool party down in Overbrook and I reluctantly went. I knew it was going to be hard without Tara because I would hear so many thoughts. Normally I only go to parties with Tara because I can be in her head, and only hear her thoughts. I... I don't know why I didn't say no... I guess I didn't want to seem rude. I wish I did thought. Not too long after being there, I got overwhelmed by the amount of thoughts I was hearing... I couldn't take it and ran off. I... I just wish I didn't hear other peoples thoughts... I wish someone could help me control this power of mine. I... I just wish I was normal...
Today was another busy day. I didn't talk with Ms. Atwood though, it was just very busy in my classes. I had a lot of quizzes and in class assignments to do. I felt very tired and frustrated today. After school though one of my classmates wanted to talk with me. His name is Bryan. He seems nice, I don't know... I don't feel very comfortable around boys. I'm not sure its because I always hear their thoughts or if its because I'm not sure if they even realize they are thinking things about me... Why do boys always think such dirty things about girls? No... That's not right, its not dirty... The book taught me that... But why do they think such things almost all the time?
Bryan and I talked a bit. He understands some of my japanese heritage. That's nice... He doesn't seem like the other boys, he's nice and he tries to understand me. He also tries not to think of me like some of the boys do, which is nice. He seems worried though because I have trouble speaking with people. I tried to explain it to him and I think he understood but I don't really think he fully understands how hard it is for me to be in a crowd. Too many thoughts...
He asked if I wanted to go to a pool party down in Overbrook and I reluctantly went. I knew it was going to be hard without Tara because I would hear so many thoughts. Normally I only go to parties with Tara because I can be in her head, and only hear her thoughts. I... I don't know why I didn't say no... I guess I didn't want to seem rude. I wish I did thought. Not too long after being there, I got overwhelmed by the amount of thoughts I was hearing... I couldn't take it and ran off. I... I just wish I didn't hear other peoples thoughts... I wish someone could help me control this power of mine. I... I just wish I was normal...
February 28th, 2007
Today was another bad day. It started off okay at classes but afterwards Erika started calling Tara names again. Saying she was a liar and some other things. I can't understand why she has to be so mean all the time. I guess I got angry and fought back with her. I know several students heard us and I think I may have upset them because of our fight. I just don't understand why Erika can forget it and move on... She used to be nice, but now... She just seems mean and bitter...
A few days ago I met a new girl at the pools with Tara. Her name is Kelly Green. She seemed weirded out like most people by Tara and I being together but today she wanted to talk a bit about it. She said she was sorry for her reaction. She said that she reacted that way because she was taught that it was wrong. Why do so many people raise their children to think its wrong? I wish I understood that.
We talked for quite some time and I explained to her that I used to think that way till Tara gave me a book that helped me understand it without having other peoples opinions judging on me decisions. I said if she liked I could give her a copy of the book and she said she would like that. I liked talking with her. She seemed less weirded out after talking with me and she was really nice. I felt a little embarrassed when I said I didn't know her, but apparently she was in the Olympics! That's so neat! She said it was nice to finally meet someone who didn't recognize her. Maybe she could be a new friend?
I can't wait to tell Tara about how I managed to explain to her about us without breaking down or running away. She'll be so proud!
Today was another bad day. It started off okay at classes but afterwards Erika started calling Tara names again. Saying she was a liar and some other things. I can't understand why she has to be so mean all the time. I guess I got angry and fought back with her. I know several students heard us and I think I may have upset them because of our fight. I just don't understand why Erika can forget it and move on... She used to be nice, but now... She just seems mean and bitter...
A few days ago I met a new girl at the pools with Tara. Her name is Kelly Green. She seemed weirded out like most people by Tara and I being together but today she wanted to talk a bit about it. She said she was sorry for her reaction. She said that she reacted that way because she was taught that it was wrong. Why do so many people raise their children to think its wrong? I wish I understood that.
We talked for quite some time and I explained to her that I used to think that way till Tara gave me a book that helped me understand it without having other peoples opinions judging on me decisions. I said if she liked I could give her a copy of the book and she said she would like that. I liked talking with her. She seemed less weirded out after talking with me and she was really nice. I felt a little embarrassed when I said I didn't know her, but apparently she was in the Olympics! That's so neat! She said it was nice to finally meet someone who didn't recognize her. Maybe she could be a new friend?
I can't wait to tell Tara about how I managed to explain to her about us without breaking down or running away. She'll be so proud!
March 1st, 2007
Today was another bad day for me. It started off normal, but after school things went really bad. I went to another small gathering at the hot tubs with Kelly. We talked a bit privately where I gave her a copy of the book she wanted. She seemed a bit embarrassed but was glad to have it so she could understand. She asked me how she could help me handle being around so many people. I explained to her that I stay in Tara's head so I only hear her thoughts, but without Tara around I don't have anywhere to focus my powers. She said if I wanted I could stay in her head. I was worried at first but I agreed. She's really nice to worry that much about me!
It was easier to be around that many people while being in her head, but it felt odd. I'm used to being with Tara where if I think something or hear something of her thoughts, I don't get embarrassed. With Kelly I was worried that I might hear something she didn't want me to hear or worse, she thought I was looking around in her head. I think she understands though that I wouldn't do that.
I spent most of the time just listening to conversations, I'm not good at talking since I always hear so many voices. A boy that I always thought was creepy was there too. He always tries to force me to talk... I think people call him Hawk. I don't like him. He poked me and I guess I reacted really badly. Kelly helped me get him to stop bothering me, but I think I caused more problems then stopped...
Last night wasn't so bad though for Kelly and Kalie. Both of them got dates. That's nice, they were happy. Kelly said she might even be able to help me understand boys when she learns more herself. She's really nice. Kelly however got overexcited and fell in the pool, I managed to use my powers to stop her a bit but someone else was trying to do that too and it was getting harder to hold Kelly and lift her out. I think I overused my powers or something because I felt really tired afterwards. Kelly thanked me for helping her, but she didn't want me to push myself hard like that if it was going to maybe hurt me.
Kelly helped calm me down a bit but I couldn't stay after that. I was embarrassed and felt like an idiot. I quickly ran back to the dorms hoping that Tara gets home soon. I wish she was there, I woulda done better. I know I would have...
Today was another bad day for me. It started off normal, but after school things went really bad. I went to another small gathering at the hot tubs with Kelly. We talked a bit privately where I gave her a copy of the book she wanted. She seemed a bit embarrassed but was glad to have it so she could understand. She asked me how she could help me handle being around so many people. I explained to her that I stay in Tara's head so I only hear her thoughts, but without Tara around I don't have anywhere to focus my powers. She said if I wanted I could stay in her head. I was worried at first but I agreed. She's really nice to worry that much about me!
It was easier to be around that many people while being in her head, but it felt odd. I'm used to being with Tara where if I think something or hear something of her thoughts, I don't get embarrassed. With Kelly I was worried that I might hear something she didn't want me to hear or worse, she thought I was looking around in her head. I think she understands though that I wouldn't do that.
I spent most of the time just listening to conversations, I'm not good at talking since I always hear so many voices. A boy that I always thought was creepy was there too. He always tries to force me to talk... I think people call him Hawk. I don't like him. He poked me and I guess I reacted really badly. Kelly helped me get him to stop bothering me, but I think I caused more problems then stopped...
Last night wasn't so bad though for Kelly and Kalie. Both of them got dates. That's nice, they were happy. Kelly said she might even be able to help me understand boys when she learns more herself. She's really nice. Kelly however got overexcited and fell in the pool, I managed to use my powers to stop her a bit but someone else was trying to do that too and it was getting harder to hold Kelly and lift her out. I think I overused my powers or something because I felt really tired afterwards. Kelly thanked me for helping her, but she didn't want me to push myself hard like that if it was going to maybe hurt me.
Kelly helped calm me down a bit but I couldn't stay after that. I was embarrassed and felt like an idiot. I quickly ran back to the dorms hoping that Tara gets home soon. I wish she was there, I woulda done better. I know I would have...