Saint Joseph School

[ This is the first part of the story covering Li-Mei's evolution. This is the end of 'Nuclear Kisses' and the birth of a whole new Lei. ]

I never really wanted to get into this, but Mr. Conrads thought it would help a great deal. Guess I'm still not really adjusted well to everything I've been through, not that even half of it can really be put into words. But I guess if he really thinks it will help I can describe what happened before the more 'out of body' crap that happened afterwards.
The summer had just finished when all this started and it was the start of my second year at St. Joe's. That summer...it was a summer to remember that's for sure, but this isn't really about all that. Besides, I've been writing that particular essay every year since the third grade. Let's just say that it was the first full summer break since I got my abilities and thus I used, and probably abused them. I did this to myself, I realize that now, but how was I supposed to know I could burn myself out like that?
But anyway, so, I'd been feeling crappy for a while, short tempered and all, not really snapping at people, just irritable-like. It was late afternoon already, and I was in the library, bored as usual, and also steaming a bit. See, I'd mouthed off to Sister Moltar earlier that day. I don't remember what got me going, but I never got lippy with anyone before. That's the part that get's me the most, just how big a bitch I was durring this whole thing. I'm so not like that, really, I'm not. But anyway, I'd gotten served with a sentance of two whole weekends worth of detentions for it and was feeling pretty shitty. I had already looked through all the isles for something to read but nothing seemed interesting. So what I did was, I grabbed a random magazine and I hid a 'Vogue' inside it so the librarian wouldn't come and steal it away. I hate that, I really, do. They're always taking stuff from us saying it's not 'appropriate', like comics and stuff. Like they never did the exact same thing when they were our age. Besides, it's not like i had any homework left, so what's wrong with reading what I like?
So I was sitting at a table with this other girl, who was working on her homework. Then I started to get this little pain right around where my guts shoulda been. That's right, 'should have been'. If you're reading this and you know me, then you already know about my body. And even if you don't know, I don't really feel like going into it, I've talked about it enough. So it started to hurt there, and suddenly I started to feel pretty strange all over. Like my whole body was just trying to fall apart. I looked at my hand, and you know what I saw? I saw little pieces of me starting to just kinda float off. It really scared the crap out of me. It was like when I did it on purpose to go to my special place, but this was different. I wasn't in control at all. I closed my eyes and focused and eventually it stopped, but it wasn't easy.
So I guess I should have been pretty panicky after, but for some reason after I got myself back together, I wasn't. All I was doing was, I was staring at the girl sitting across from me. The one doing her homework. I was realizing she hadn't even noticed a goddam thing. She was just sitting there chewing on the end of her pencil. Like a beaver. And then I started to notice just how damn big her front teeth were. Just like a goddam beaver. I mean, when you look like that, resemble an animal and all that, you should just KNOW better. I know you can't do anything about the way you look but, you shouldn't go doing something like THAT that just makes you look even more like one. I started getting irritated at her, like, really mad. Just watching her nawing away at that pencil. Listening to the grinding and the metal eraser-holder on the end clicking against her teeth.
And then, I just lost it.
I stood up and just started shouting at her. Ripped right into her, I don't even remember what I said, but at first I don't think she knew I was yelling at HER. But by the end she knew. And she looked like she was about to cry right then and there. And then I came back to my senses. I just couldn't believe that all came from me. I didn't even appologize, what I did was, I got the hell outta there fast.
I just ran, ran as fast as I could. Normally I'd just teleport wherever I wanted to go, but that thing with my arm had really freaked the hell outta me. Like I wouldn't be able to put myself back together again.
Eventually I stopped running, but I had this feeling like I just didn't want to stop moving. So what I did was, I just walked all over campus for a couple hours. I walked and walked until it got dark. Normally at this time of night, I'd usually go and find an all-night coffee bar or a net cafe and just listen to my i-pod or play on the net until dawn. But I didn't feel like it then. So I decided to do something I almost never do. I went to my quad.
It was getting to be quite late and the halls were already pretty quiet. I didn't even see one person as I made my way to my room. When I got there, Joni was already asleep in the toaster, and Sam looked like she was busy finishing up some work at her desk. She looked up as I walked in and look on her face...I would have gotten a laugh at it if I hadn't been feeling so crappy and all. She looked like she'd seen a ghost.
"L-Lei! What are you doing here?!" she said it like it was the most suprising thing. To see me there. I guess in a way it kinda was. I'm never there on account of I don't sleep and all.
"What?" I snipped at her. "It's my room too isn't it? Or did you guys decide to kick me out without telling me?"
"No, no, nothin' like that! It's just, you're never here, so it's just kinda suprisin' 's all."
"Well, I'm here now."
"Um, yeah..." she trailed off. She gave me this look like, 'Okaaaay' before turning back to her work.
I walked over to my chair and moved some of the stuff off of it and sat down. I was getting worked up and irritable again. I have no idea why I decided to take it out on Sam. I mean, she's always been a pretty cool roomate and all, even though I never see her. We don't really run with the same crowds so, on the rare occasion I actually show up at the room is all the time we've gotten a chance to know each other. I like her, really I do, and thinking back I feel pretty bad about the next thing i did. What I did was, I suddenly remembered this old candle my mom had sent me and decided I was going to look for it. It was an aroma-therapy candle that she'd given me. I'd never bothered to use it ever. But right then I had to have it for some reason. So I started to sort around looking for it on my side of the room. The problem was, I'd told Sam along time ago she could put stuff on my side of the room, on account of me never using it. So I was moving stuff around , looking and looking, but not finding it. I started to get that feeling again in my belly. I looked at my hand but it still seemed to be intact this time. Even so I was feeling like my body was being pulled in all directions at once. And so, as I looked through all the stuff on my side of the room, and I noticed Sam taking quick peeks at what I was doing. Just little glances now and again, but even so, just her looking at me was really starting to annoy the hell outta me.
"What!?" I barked at her.
"N-Nothing! What are yoou looking for?"
"A candle my mom gave me. I can't find it anywhere."
She started to stand up, "Well, let me help you find it."
And for the second time that day I lost it.
I just layed into her, screaming about "all the JUNK on my side" and "why do you have to have so much freakin' stuff!". It was really unfair of me, I see that now, I really do. But I just couldn't control the rage. I just wanted to find that damn candle and get the hell outta there.
When I finally stopped shouting, the look on her face. God I felt the worlds biggest bitch. She looked stunned. She was trying to work her mouth but nothing was coming out. I couldn't look at her, to be honest, I don't think I still can't look at her now without thinking about how bad I treated her. So I left, stormed right out. Pretending like I was justified in my rant, even though I felt like the smallest person in the world right then. And truth be told I was, I really was.
I left campus. Grabbed a tram and headed over to Talos. I just wanted to be somewhere where I wouldn't be recognized, and where I wouldn't recognize anyone else. It was already getting to be on towards midnight then. There were any number of clubs that were still in full swing at that time of night. And alot of them wouldn't even bother checking I.D.'s. So that's what I did. I found one that was playing some loud, agressive techno and made my way inside. It was nice and dark in there, and no one would pay much attention to you even if you looked alittle strange. I mean, in these kinds of places, some of the outfits are really out there. Even so, I didn't want anyone noticing me, so I pulled out my favorite goggles and put them on. I loved those goggles. I bought them for five bucks back when I first came to this city, from California. They looked like welder's goggles, but the lenses wern't quite so dark that you couldn't see outta them. I thought they were cool and they fit most of my outfits, plus, I found out after my powers really started to show themselves, they hid my glowing eyes. Even though most of the people here were dressed pretty freakishly, a girl with glowing eyes still tends to attract alot of stares. Exactly what I didn't want right then.
So I sat myself down on the floor in a dark corner. See, places like this don't really have tables, so it's the floor or nothin'. I was just sittin' there watching the people dancing, when I noticed this guy out there had noticed me and was kinda' giving me 'the eye'. He kinda gestured me over to come dance with him. Even though I wanted to be alone, I guess I also just wanted to let go as well. Just lose myself to the rythm of the music. So what I did was, I got up and walked over and let just let loose.
"Hey" he said.
"Hey" I said back, real big conversation, I know. "I'm not offering anything so just keep your hands to yourself, okay?"
"Hey, it's cool. You just looked lonely so I thought you might want to join me is all. I can keep it clean." I had to lean in close just to hear him over the music. But he was true to his words and kept his hands to himself. He wan't that bad a dancer to tell you the truth. And he seemed to enjoy my own enough so that he kept smiling the whole time. He wasn't all that great to look at but he wasn't bad looking either, just kind of average, for a guy anyway. That's the thing about boys, they just don't really apeal too much to me, sure they can be cute in their own way but, I dunno, I just never felt much for them.
So we kept dancing for quite a while. And while we were I just started to lose myself to the music. I just closed my eyes and let it flow through me. And I started to feel that same feeling again, except it wasn't the same. It hurt alittle in my stomach again, sure, but I didn't start feeling that kind of 'rage' this time. I just felt lonely, and it felt like I was going to fall apart right there. And then I did something I'd never done before. What I did was, I said a prayer. It was a simple prayer of sorts, not a long rambled on verse like they make us say in mass. Just a simple thought I repeted to myself over and over again.
"Please God, don't let me dissappear." Over and over again I repeted it to myself. It was like a life-raft that I was trying to hold on to in a kind of desperation. Like if I stopped saying it, I really would. Dissappear, I mean.
I don't really know how long I danced like that, but after a time I felt a hand grab my shoulder and spin me around, hard and angry like. I never even saw the first one comming as a fist cracked against my cheek. It stung like you wouldn't believe. Really knocked me for a good one. As I tryed to get my bearings back I saw who had done it. Some chick dressed in something you could barely call clothes. And she really didn't fit well into them either. She was like one of those girls that knows thier alittle ugly, so they try and wear skimpy stuff to make up for it. I couldn't hear what she was shouting at me, but from the look on the guys face and the way she seemed to take turns between yelling at me and at him, I kinda figured to be the guys girlfriend. I was still nursing the sting on my cheek when she popped me one again. I have to admit, I'm pretty week when it comes to this kind of fighting. I'm just not very strong or tough. I prefer to just sit in the back and blast from a distance. When I feel like fighting that is. Usually I just make people weak enough that they won't fight at all, or to make them easier for my friends to take on. So she got a good one off, hit me right square in the nose. Right away I felt something warm on my face. She didn't break my nose or anything, hard to do when you don't have bones. From the shocked, disgusted look on her face, I could tell my 'goop' was flowing out of my nose pretty good at that point. That shot, i actually have to thank her for that one, it knocked my senses back together.
I coulda blasted her on the spot, but I didn't. Even though I was out of my mind a bit, I still hadn't lost control to that degree. So what I did was, I just lifted my goggles up to my forehead. That was all it took. Man, what a look on both their faces. I mean, it's not every day you see a girl whose eyes look like they're burning with greenish-yellow fire, not to mention the glowing 'goop' that was dripping off my chin.
It was then that I noticed the REALLY big guy wading his way across the dance floor towards us. I figured him to be a bouncer of sorts. I really didn't want to get into anything more that night. Plus I'd already gotten my revenge on the two with just a look. So it was then that I decided for the third time that day to just get the hell out.
I couldn't get out on foot, so I had no choice but to teleport out of the club. Boy was that a mistake, but I didn't want anymore trouble so I just did it. It was all I could do just to hold myself together...
I ended up in an alleyway and promptly collapsed clutching the pain in my stomach region. I lay there for a few minutes waiting for it to subside but it didn't. It just kind of lessened enough to let me stand back up.
My head was spinning, and I had no idea what to do. I just felt like my whole world was unravelling right at that moment. I don't know where I thought I was going to go, but I didn't want to go back to school. Even so I had to get away from that place before someone decided to come looking around for me.
So I ground my teeth together, picked myself up, and started out of that alley and out onto the sidewalk. I just walked, too afraid to try teleporting again, not that I had anyplace I had to get to quick. So I walked, clutching at the pain in my stomach all the way. No one around even noticed. That's the thing about this city, even at two, three in the morning there's still lots of people out walking around. That and noone notices someone walking around doubled over in pain. Hells, noone even pays any mind when a bunch of guys stand around wearing peices of human skulls on their faces. That's what kind of city this is. Even so, with the 'goop' on my face adding to the effect, I had already pulled my goggles back down over my eyes to avoid any possiblitiy of being noticed.
So i came to a cross walk, and as I was starting across the intersection, I suddenly had that feeling again. Like I was going to fly apart in all directions. I looked down at my feet and noticed the small particles just drifting off into the air. And it was then that I started to say that prayer again. I closed my eyes and chanted to myself "Please God, don't let me dissappear." "Please God, don't let me dissappear."


God didn't see fit to answer my prayers...



[[ Imitation is the greatest form of flattery. Inspired by J.D. Salinger's 'the Catcher in the Rye' ]]