Saint Joseph School

Serge looked up in confusion as a figure in a hooded coat rushed up to him. "Hello, welcome to Icon, how can I help you?"

"You said it would last two weeks! At least!"

Oh, yes, he recognized that voice. The shrinking violet whom Miss Sandy had brought in last week. "Joni Jacobs, yes? You're referring to the skin treatment?"

"Yes! It...! oh, just look..." She pulled back her hood a little. Her face, previously an attractive brown shade to contrast her white prom dress, had itself paled more than halfway back to its original albino white... with several darker streaks that made a good impression of scarring.

"Oh dear... I was worried about this..."

"'Worried'? You said--"

"I said that it might last two weeks if you insisted on leaving it on, but that I didn't recommend doing that. I suggested, if you'll recall, that you remove it the next morning. Not to mention we had to keep the water extra-heated while applying your treatment, which may have affected the process. That plus your natural skin temperature... well, there are several reasons why it would fade out so soon." The girl scowled. "You still have the remover I gave you? Just apply it, rinse in the shower, and you'll be your normal self."

"No, I don't want that. I... I want it back like it was Saturday."

Serge blinked but otherwise retained his pleasant calm. Some customers just insisted on being unreasonable, especially those who hadn't actually paid for anything. "The dress and the dye were both a favor to Miss Sandy, one of my best customers. She said it needed to last for the duration of the dance; beyond that, I'm sorry, but Icon guaranteed nothing."

"Then I'll pay for a new application."

"...you realize that won't last any longer than this one did."

"I can spare an hour to come in every couple days."

"I'm sorry, but no."

"...what? Why not?"

"First, I seriously doubt you could afford that many treatments. Second!" he added before she could object. "Second, some of the chemicals involved could be dangerous if applied that often. Everything in moderation, you understand. Icon does not recommend more than two applications in a year period, and for liability reasons, will not perform more than two in three months. I'm really sorry, dear."

"I won't tell anyone!" Her tone had grown slightly desperate (and loud enough that she was already telling everyone in the store).

Serge held back a long-suffering eye roll. "Dear, the treatment was never meant to be permanent; it was meant to help a dress color that would otherwise blend in with you to pop out and look beautiful. As Miss Sandy told you herself, it was nothing more than an accessory." He put back on a pleasant smile and turned to flip through a catalog. "Now, if you'd like, for your next dance I can find you a dress that would look simply divine against your true sk--"

---

"So, it seems you've been sent to me ahead of schedule."

Joni certainly didn't look like she was there by choice, to judge from her expression. "...yes."

"Want to tell me why?"

"...it's stupid. I was stupid," she quickly corrected herself. "Am... am I going to be expelled?"

"Expelled for what?" Valerie Atwood's pencil idly worked its way over her pad; she paid it no heed.

"...the manager of Icon... I, umm... I froze him. Deliberately."

The counselor raised an eyebrow. "From what I've heard, that's very uncharacteristic of you. What did he do to deserve such treatment?"

"I said it was stupid." Valerie merely looked at her patiently. Seeing that she wouldn't accept that for an answer, Joni finally continued, "Umm, see, I dyed my skin and hair for the dance."

"Ah, yes. I was chaperoning; I saw. You and Mana were named Queen and King, weren't you?"

Joni nodded. "But the skin dye faded, so I asked Mr. Serge for another treatment. He refused and said something about health issues."

"Sounds prudent. And?"

"And... well, and that's when I lost it and froze him. I was stupid. I'll start packing..."

"I'm not here to expel you, Joni; I'm here to talk to you. Why did you feel you needed the dye so badly?"

Joni looked at Valerie with a dumbfounded expression. "Umm... isn't it obvious?"

"No."

The student, exasperated, rolled her eyes and pointed at her face. "This was not what made me Queen of the Snowball. Looking normal did."

"Joni..."

"Or maybe, I don't know, maybe they were just taking pity on me, or it was some sort of organized prank, but Saturday... Saturday I at least felt one step closer to accepted."

"I know that's what you may think, Joni. It's hardly uncommon for young women your age to be uncomfortable with their appearance, and with one as unique as..." She was interrupted by a bitter sound from Joni. "As unique as yours, not ugly, just unique. You need to realize that. Joni, why do you dislike your natural skin color so much?"

"...nothing 'natural' about it," came the muttered reply.

"There are plenty of other students on campus with unique appearances: Saskia, Quisling, Nennya... Your own date was..."

Valerie glanced down at her pad for the first time and trailed off. There were multiple faces on the page. Two easily dominated: one was Joni, sans "makeup," the other was a middle-aged but attractive woman. Realization began to set in; all the faces but Joni's had one thing in common. She picked those exact shades of dye for a reason...

Which left the issue of the mystery woman. She looked from drawing to patient and back again, comparing features, then turned the pad around to face her patient and pointed. "...who's this?"

Joni inhaled sharply. Even after taking a moment to recover, she still looked like Valerie had slapped her. "...I didn't know my file had her picture..."

"There's quite the resemblance." The bitter sound was punctuated by a sniffle this time. "It's your mother, am I right?"

"Put it away..."

"You must feel like an outsider even among your family. Did they, or maybe the black community in general--?"

"Put it away! I'll never set foot in Icon again, I'll be packed and off campus in 20 minutes, just put it away!"

Valerie gave in, then pulled the sobbing Joni into an embrace; Joni tensed but didn't resist. The counselor sighed. "Oh, Joni... you are more unique than I realized... but you are still beautiful. Strong and beautiful."

The pad lay face down on the table, where neither could see Mrs. Jacob's face... or her rage.

((For Joni-related events between the previous post and this one, see What's Wrong With Me? and The Sons of Belial.))

Notes from 3/15/07 session with Jacobs, Joni

Session lacked any images of hostile robots. Noted this to Joni; was pleased to learn she had finally not only spoken to Mana but forgiven him, or at least claims to. Doubt they will renew romantic contact but friendship alone will be quite the improvement.

Same cannot be said for Joni's mother. Image is back to dead center, once again precisely the same pose as before. Definitely a firm memory, not a metaphor, and very central to Joni's state of mind. Joni remains completely unwilling to discuss: see storm-out on 2/22. Joni's file was retrieved but proved unhelpful, barely mentions her mother: name, birthdate, supernormal status ("NK": none known), that's it. Resort to contacting father?

New images this session:

Woman with crown and Joni's ears, hands up in surrender to armored knight with unsheathed sword. Remembered Joni had joined chess club, asked about image, Joni said she lost a recent game she was winning until she blundered her queen into a knight's path without thinking. Noticed post-session that sketched "Queen Joni" was smiling in spite of her capture; remember to bring this up next time.

Diary with lock-pick in the lock. Asked if Joni's privacy had been recently violated; Joni gave short complaint about dealing with telepaths but stated/admitted that "the reading" was probably unintended. Wouldn't give details of unlocked secrets (understandable) or name of telepath(s) (slightly more concerning).

Walking cane morphing into a high-tech rifle of some kind. Joni took one look, informed me that it referred to the problems of a friend, not her place to explain it. Decided to take her word for it. Good sign that someone else's concerns have become her own, means she's bringing others into circle of trusted.

Dove with no wings (small and slightly hidden behind Joni's mother; didn't see it until post-session). Ice sculpture Bryan Baxter mentioned in his last session? Not certain why wingless... related to the images in Bryan's sketch? Figure out way to address it with each student without violating confidentiality of the other.

Due to apparent settling of Mana issues, will recommend changing from weekly to monthly sessions but not discontinuing them entirely, to be sure of resolution and to deal with other concerns about Joni's state of mind.

Friday, May 4th, an hour before the school masquerade

Given the aftermath of the last party, Joni wasn't sure she wanted to risk going to this one at all, even dateless. Unfortunately, someone had decided to force the issue.

She wasn't sure who had set up the Icon appointment to get her costume fitted; just that she had gotten a phone reminder over her student comm reminding her that she was ten minutes late for it. From Serge himself. You couldn't get a word in against Serge to tell him you made no such appointment; Serge was a very insistent type, wasn't afraid to remind you how much hassle you were last time (doubly true in Joni's case), and furthermore could talk for days on one breath.

So the cowed Joni had broken out the skates and raced all the way to Steel, thinking all the while what she wanted to dress as. It had been the required three months since the last skin dye job, but she really didn't want to bring up the subject to the irritable fashion designer. That eliminated a lot of options; she wouldn't make a very realistic ANYTHING with her real skin color, except maybe a snowman. Anything else and she'd need to cover herself pretty much from head...

...to toe. Well, that was an option. Actually, she kind of liked the idea; it would guarantee she would be pretty much unrecognizable. Joni didn't want to embarrass herself at the party, so "Joni" would never show. In her place would be... hmm, what were the options? Well, she was sure Serge could come up with something...

---

If you looked carefully, you might see pure white skin was visible through the holes in the mask. Look even closer and you'd notice bulges under the wig that were too large to be normal ears. And stand around her long enough and you'd wonder if the evening was getting cold faster than expected for May. But the female ninja quietly enjoying the party remained unidentified by most throughout the night. As she liked it.

Friday, July 13th, afternoon

The drawing for the session included three female students, all looking away in displeasure from the mirror in front of them, although one of them couldn't have possibly seen what was in the reflection to begin with. Joni was clearly the one in the middle; the two on the outside were...

"Umm, that's Amy Davis on the left, Alex Dutchman on the right."

Valerie Atwood nodded; she'd met both of them, though they hadn't had much contact. "Why do you think they're in this image with you?"

"...I don't know. I mean, they're both good friends -- I think the only other person on campus I can talk to as easily is Sam -- but... there's not much else they have in common with each other or me." She considered for a moment, then shook her head apologetically. "Both girls who attend Saint Joseph's. Both... have 'AD' for their initials? And, umm, Alex needs glasses, and Amy's blind, so I guess there's that... That's... that's about it."

"Do you think the mirror has any significance? Or, to put it a better way, why do you think you're looking away from the mirror?"

There was a somewhat annoyed pause. "...okay, I know I'm supposed to be happy with how I look by now. I'm sorry. Ah try, but I keep seeing the floppy ears and the blindin' skin, and--"

"Joni, Joni, it's okay," Valerie interrupted, before Joni got too frustrated with herself. "I know it takes time. But do you think, perhaps, they're looking away for the same reason?"

"Amy and Alex? But they--" Joni stopped with a brief look of realization. "...well, Alex doesn't have anything wrong with her. Maybe the glasses, but that's hardly worth complaining about."

"I'd say there must be something about herself that she doesn't like. Maybe it is the glasses; people can learn to hate oddities in themselves fairly easily, even if it doesn't bother others at all." She rubbed her own ear as she said this, hint hint, but she couldn't tell if Joni noticed. "And maybe it's something you haven't noticed yet. But I think there's a reason you latched on to her, and Amy, so easily. You sensed that same insecurity, that dissatisfaction with yourselves, in all of you."

"...'Freak pride,' you mean?" Joni asked half to herself.

"Pride, embarrassment, but a connection either way. I think it's good that you discovered each other though. You'll be able to open up to them easier, and over time that will lead to more comfort with yourselves as you are instead of as you wish you were. Keep spending time with them. It'll help."

Joni nodded slowly and started to get up.

"Oh, one other thing..."

The counselor tapped the drawing with her pencil once more. Joni flinched, apparently thinking it was pointing to the ever-present portrait of Mrs. Jacobs, so Valerie circled the dove emerging from nearby to be clear.

"I've started noticing this image in our drawings. On a whim, I looked back through our earlier sessions and spotted it in all of those as well; I didn't see the first time because it's always been small and fairly well hidden. Not as much in the recent sessions, though... it's been a bit larger and bolder, more willing to be seen, if still slightly in shadow." She smiled warmly. "Your full name is Jonina Jacobs, I believe. Do you know what 'Jonina' means?"

The student looked at her knees. "...the coldblooded issues came over time, but I've always been this color. Daddy said that, when I was born... they were a little concerned that I was sick 'cause of it, but... but Momma..." She paused a moment to collect herself; it only helped a little. "...had said it was beautiful, white as a dove's feathers..." Her eyes were watery. "...so that's what they named me. 'Jonina'... it means 'dove.'"

"Well, it seems the dove is growing out those wings, finally. I'd say that's a good sign, and one worth concluding the session on." She stood, gestured for Joni to do the same, and gave her a brief hug, which wasn't resisted in the slightest. "I'll see you next month."

"...Miss Atwood?"

"Yes?"

"....if... if we still have time left today... I mean, if you're free... can I talk about Momma for a bit?"