Movie Night

[Courtney Willows]

It was Ty’s idea. “A change of scenery” he said, because he was bored. Near as I could tell, a troupe of A-list celebrities could waltz in and do a live performance of “Transformers: The Musical” while Back Alley Brawler wailed on Captain Mako on one side and Scarlett Johanssen and Megan Fox modeled underwear on the other and Ty would still say he was bored thirty seconds after it was all done. But in this case, I was bored too.

After discarding a few options like eating or relocating to the mall, Ty suggested a movie. Attack of the Zombies 3 was playing at the Karmic. I hadn’t known they were even making a third AotZ film. The second one didn’t do so well at the box office. Plus I seemed to remember everyone getting killed at the end. Of course, with zombie flicks, being dead doesn’t stop anyone from coming back for a sequel.

No one had any better ideas, so twenty minutes later we were lined up for our tickets. Well, I was, and Mikael and Aaron were a few places back behind a couple of Hellion wannabes, but Ty had disappeared somewhere between Overbrook and Atlas. I shrugged. It wasn’t my job to keep track of him.

The line at the snack bar was mercifully short. I grabbed my usual, an iced tea and a Kit Kat bar so big you could use it to play softball, and headed into the theatre. It was mostly empty, but we were a little on the early side. I was able to get a choice seat, right in the middle, about half-way up. Easy on the neck. Say what you will about the Cineplex, you can’t complain about their chairs. Comfy and roomy. Like watching a flick in your living room. If you have a 72 foot plasma screen…

Aaron started to drop into the seat next to me, then seemed to change his mind and moved one spot over. I guess he wanted more room for his wings. Some greaseball in a Good Charlotte t-shirt sitting behind him started to bitch about it. I told him to freaking move if he couldn’t see. Not Aaron’s fault if he’s got big wings. The guy started giving me lip, until Aaron turned around and gave him a look.

The guy got up and moved without saying another word.

“What did you do, Aaron?” I asked, surprised and maybe even a little impressed. He looked back at me with a bit of sheepish expression.

“It’s not really me. It’s part of the magic in me…” He seemed reluctant to explain, or maybe he just didn’t understand it himself.

“That was cool,” I said, letting him off the hook.

“Cool? That? Huh.” I couldn’t tell if he was pleased or not, but he still looked kind of embarrassed by the whole thing. It was cool though. I wonder if it works on bangers. Or zombies.

Mikael arrived then and settled into the seat on my other side. He was staring at his phone again. Looks like someone’s got him well and truly hooked. At least he seems happy.

“What happened to Ty?” I asked him.

“Maybe he ran into a girl?” he shrugged.

“And then had to apologize?” Mikael chuckled at my joke, and even Aaron seemed to crack a smile and relax a bit. I sipped my drink and started to unwrap my chocolate bar.

The lights dimmed and the curtain began to swing open.

[Courtney Willows]

The commercials started before the curtain finished opening. First was a Coke Zero ad. Vaguely amusing. Then one for some totally bland looking sedan featuring a pop tune that presumably was cool way back when the car’s target market was my age. I didn’t pay much attention to it, but when an ad for the Crey-pod followed I couldn’t stop myself from snorting out loud.

“Those things are such a rip off.”

“I’ve never played with one,” said Aaron.

“I did,” Mikael offered. “I fried it…”

“They’re pretty much the same thing as an iPod,” I explained to Aaron, “except they break when you look at them too hard.”

The Coming Attractions graphic lit up the screen, signaling an end to the advertisements. The first trailer was for Knight of Darkness, which I think is about a vampire who hunts other vampires while yet another group of vampires is hunting him. Or else it’s about a bunch of goth geeks attending a poseur-thon. I really can’t say for sure.

“Sheesh,” Aaron sounded exasperated. “Everything’s vampires now. Stupid Twilight.” He looked like he was about to throw ice from his drink at the screen. I sighed. Why do boys not get it?

“Twilight rocks,” I said, giving him a slight glare. “Oh, I hope there’s a New Moon preview tonight.” I only said that to annoy him, but it would be awesome. Seeing Rob Pattinson on the big screen is always a good thing as far as I’m concerned.

“Edward’s creepy,” Aaron whined, “and I hated Jacob.”

“Jacob gets cooler as the series goes on. And Edward only seems creepy ‘cause he hangs out and watches Bella sleep...” I stopped. Saying it out loud like that I realized it did sound a little creepy, but only because there was no context. I mean, it’s not stalking if you ask someone to stay and watch over you, right?

“That sounds creepy but it’s kinda sweet in a way,” Mikael chipped in. I nodded in agreement, happy that at least one boy understood, but Aaron didn’t seem convinced.

“Shyeah,” he scoffed. “A real person would have been arrested.”

The conversation distracted me from the next trailer, which may have been a blessing. It appeared to be about a trio of teenage boys in dire need of showers and haircuts competing to see who could be the most disgusting. I think it was supposed to be funny, but it just looked offensive and stupid to me.

“I kinda know how he feels as far as not sleeping goes…” I stared at Mikael in confusion for a moment before realizing he was referring to Edward Cullen from Twilight.

“You don’t sleep, Mikael?” I asked.

“Only about half as much as normal people. I only require about three hours.”

“That must be nice,” Aaron offered.

“You’d think so…” Mikael answered. What I was really thinking was that Mikael was starting to sound a little emo, but I wasn’t going to say that out loud.

“Do you dream, Mikael?” I asked instead. “I mean, doesn’t it take four hours to hit REM sleep?” What I didn’t add was “don’t you go mental without regular REM sleep?”

“I do dream, but I don’t remember any of it. Not having a real heart automatically makes most doctors lost.”

Aaron said something brilliant to that like “Whoa, really?” I said nothing, wondering what an artificial heart and confused doctors had to do with whether or not he had dreams. Mikael laid his cybernetic arms against his chest and continued.

“Yeah, the outside parts aren’t all of it. My arms, eyes, heart, and some bone structure have been modified.” He paused a moment, then added “Also, there are nanomachines in my blood. I guess.”

“… why?” I blurted out, then decided to clarify. “I mean, all of it, not just the stuff in your blood. Why?”

“You’d have to ask my dad,” he shrugged.

“Sure. Next time I run into him.” I sat back and took another bite of my Kit Kat. Not my problem if Mik’s father wanted to turn him into Robby the Robot Boy.

The last trailer was for Final Exam V, the latest installment in a slasher series about a demented janitor who murders students and teachers at prep schools. There were some disturbing visuals, but most of the audience seemed to be laughing. I briefly pictured Scruffy stalking and killing some of my classmates and chuckled a bit myself. Then I shuddered.

The trailer ended and the Featured Presentation graphic flashed on the screen. The movie was finally about to begin.

[Courtney Willows]

Attack of the Zombies III opened with a reprise of the final scene of Attack of the Zombies II. The final five survivors of the high school camping trip were almost out of the woods, both figuratively and literally, just a few hundred yards from the clearing where their vehicles were parked. The zombie horde was in pursuit, but not shambling fast enough to catch the speedy teenagers.

“I haven’t seen the other two in this series,” Aaron whispered to me. “Did I really miss anything?”

“It’s Attack of the Zombies, dude,” I smirked back. “There were zombies, and they attacked.”

“So, stuff I see in town all the time. Gotcha.” We both chuckled and turned our attention back to the screen. Two seconds later, Mikael’s cellphone rang.

“Turn your cell off, numbnuts!” rang out from somewhere behind us, along with several more colourful comments. Mikael slunk down in his seat looking embarrassed.

“Gotta take this,” he whispered, looking at his phone’s call display.

Back on the screen, the teen heroes arrived in the clearing only to find it swarming with more zombies. Surrounded, they scattered and tried to break free. One by one they were overrun and slaughtered.

“Oh,” Aaron exclaimed. “So not a cheerful zombie movie.”

“Yeah,” I answered, “that actually caught us by surprise last time. Everyone expected that blonde girl to survive. But nope!”

“Oh, the blonde ones usually do,” he said.

“Tell me about it.” I couldn’t help but smirk a bit. Blondie was by far the most annoying one of the bunch, and I’d been pleasantly shocked to see her go down.

The screen faded to black, then the camera pulled back to reveal a black tire rolling along a highway. Not a bad transition, really. Maybe they hired a better director for this one. The camera continued to pull back just far enough to show the bottom half of a yellow school bus. The credits started to roll along its side. Cute. I started to watch for the director’s name, plus the cast to see if anyone recognizable had been slumming, when Mikael suddenly spoke up from next to me.

“I have to go to Atlas Park, guys,” he said in a shaky voice. “See ya later. Sorry.” He was up and gone almost before we could mutter our goodbyes.

“I feel kinda ditched,” Aaron said a moment later. I nodded in agreement.

“First Ty, now Mikael. No kidding.” I took a sip from my drink and then glanced around the theatre. “Ah, it’s alright. We’ve got zombies and popcorn. So it's just like Ty and Mikael were still here.”

Dark Sky Singer looked over and smiled a little, then abruptly looked away. I wondered if he was thinking about ditching too. I’m not the most sensitive person, but even I could tell he was uncomfortable about something. Or maybe he’s just always like that. Not like I knew him that well.

The credits having ended, without my getting to read them thanks to Mikael, the camera finally pulled back to show the entire bus as it pulled into a gas station in the middle of nowhere. A quick pan along the windows revealed an assortment of unruly teenagers, then the camera swung around to show a crotchety old man shambling out to meet the bus at the pumps. White smoke was billowing out from beneath the hood.

“At least there aren’t any clichés so far,” Aaron muttered with obvious sarcasm.

[Courtney Willows]

The first person out of the bus was a young blonde woman. She walked a few yards away and pulled out a cell phone, leaving the driver to deal with the station attendant. I struggled for a moment with her face before finally coming up with a name.

“Say, isn’t that Madeleine Casey?” I asked quietly.

“Yep,” Aaron answered quickly, but then added “I mean, umm, maybe?” I let it drop, convinced I was right anyway. Aaron probably had no idea who she was. It’s not like he’d have watched a lot of soaps back on the reservation, and The Super Days was really only big in the northeast.

The usual round of exposition sequences followed, informing us that Madeleine’s character was named Jerri Rushmore, that the bus carried her class of special needs children, that she was recently widowed, and that repairs to the bus would have to wait until morning meaning the whole crew had to stay overnight at the local creepy motel.

“I recognize the last name,” I whispered to Aaron. “Rushmore was the cop who died in the first movie. These horror franchises love to pick one family and just stick it to them, don’t they?”

“But not the blonde ones,” he pointed out with a grin.

The motel was about a half-mile up the road, across the street from another movie staple, the roadside diner. This one’s parking lot was filled with black SUV’s.

“Ah,” said Aaron, “the government arrives. Subtle.”

“I’m sure they’ll handle everything and no one will get hurt,” I responded with mock sincerity.

“Sure, ‘cause that happens,” he snickered back.

After arranging for her assistant to get the spunky yet lovable disadvantaged kids settled into rooms, Jerri headed across the road to the diner. The next few scenes served to introduce us to an assortment of the students, including a wheelchair-bound bookworm, a pouty girl with a mass of golden braids, and a trio of budding young stoners.

“Uh oh,” I noted, “the teaching assistant is brunette. She’s doomed. DOOMED!”

“Game over man!” Aaron chuckled in agreement.

“Oh,” I added, “and the bus driver is black. He might as well just slit his wrists now.”

“If he’s funny he might live a few minutes longer,” Aaron offered.

“True,” I agreed, “but isn’t that one of the Wayans brothers? I don’t think funny is in the cards.”

“It hurts because it’s true.”

Jerri was in the diner now, making the acquaintance of Mitch Crawford, FBI. After introducing himself, he explains in his sort-of-handsome-yet-sadly-too-weak-chinned-to-star-in-better-movies way that his team is in the area to investigate a rash of disappearances. I recognized yet another naming coincidence and leaned over to whisper to Aaron.

“Okay, there was a woman named Crawford who died in the second movie. Want to bet this guy is her husband?”

“Probably, yeah. Coincidences are for wimps.”

“Third movies always try to bring everything together. It's supposed to create an epic feel, I think.”

“Or just get rid of everyone.”

[Courtney Willows]

After a few unnecessarily ominous exterior shots to establish that “oh my god, it’s getting dark!”, we flipped through the cast to see what everyone was doing. The teacher’s assistant was yapping on her phone, the driver was downing a beer while watching TV, Jerri was having dinner with Agent No-chin, and a couple of the stoner kids were sneaking out the motel’s back window.

“Where are you going, you naughty boys?” I smirked in my best “headmistress” voice.

“Probably to score some weed,” Aaron suggested. “Or they saw a girl or something.” This second supposition appeared to be confirmed a minute later.

“Good call, Aaron,” I congratulated him. “Looks like they’re following a girl.” A closer look confirmed a growing suspicion. “A girl whose face we can’t see… a girl who walks kind of funny…”

“A girl who likes brainy guys…” Aaron joined in, causing us both to laugh loud enough to get some dirty looks from other patrons. We quieted down in time to see the stoners stumble into a pack of zombies, get chased, run headlong into more zombies, and then finally die. Messily.

“Oh, very nice.” Aaron golf clapped.

“So what did we learn today, children?” I did the school voice again. “That’s right… girls will lead you to damnation.”

“And then eat you,” he added.

“We get hungry. It’s a curse.” I made a sad, apologetic face and Aaron grinned in response.

“Did you notice some of those zombies were the campers from the opening?” I asked him. He nodded.

“Nice to have a sense of continuity in the cheesy zombie movies.”

Returning from her dinner date, Jerri did a bed check and discovered the two boys were missing. After reaming out her assistant, like she was the one out making time with some guy, Jerri told her to go out and find them. Then she roused out the driver and made him go too.

“In the dark,” Aaron whispered. “In a creepy small town. Hooo boy.”

“Yeah,” I answered. “Bye bye, bit players.”

Not to be a complete bitch, Jerri went out as well. Of course, her search led her back across the street to the diner and Agent Crawford. After hearing about the missing children, he offered to send a few of his men out to look too.

“But first,” Aaron added, “put on these red shirts.” I didn’t get it, but a couple of older guys in the row in front of us laughed pretty hard.

Agent Crawford, not one to miss an opportunity, offered to stick with Jerri. You know, to provide back-up.

“Shyeah.” Aaron snorted. “He's going to investigate her.”

“At least he's clearly not after her for her brains.” I answered, getting a snicker in return.

One by one, and in order, the slowly growing pack of zombies caught up to and killed the teacher’s assistant, the bus driver, and the two FBI agents. None of the death scenes were particularly creative, but on the whole the director managed to convey the feeling that the zombies were slowly surrounding the town and tightening the noose.

“This is shocking stuff, eh?” I asked rhetorically as the second Fed went into his death spasms. Aaron pretended to snore a bit before answering.

“Sorry, what?”